So, I *think* it’s after advent, although I do know we are still in the 12 day of Christmas and actually, one my favorite parts of the holiday story/season… the epiphany, is still more than a week away. But anyway, back in early December, when I decided to give up the browsing of personal ads for advent, I wasn’t sure I’d actually be successful at it. After all, even when I’m not really looking or responding at all, the browsing can be addictive.
I can’t say that I completely stuck to this… but I do think that the past 4 weeks have felt different to me. I’ve got a handful of winks and emails that I may or may not ever respond to and I logged into eHarmony this weekend to over 100 new matches that have been collecting. I’m not actually interested in looking at them, but I suppose one option would be to delete them all, tighten up my “preferences” and see if eHarmony really thinks they can send me someone who would actually catch my attention. It’s such a silly system really. Another option would probably be to just shut down the account… I’m not really interested in doing it anyway. I’m sure if someone was matched to me while I was permanently away and they really wanted to contact me, they could find a way to do so.
But seriously…. Christmas is a lonely time to be single… and I’m in a lonely chapter of my life anyway. It surprises me how some days I am thrilled to be where I am and to have the freedoms that my life affords and then the next day (or sometimes the next breath) the fear that my life is on some endless loop of disappointments is overwhelming.
Anyway, tomorrow we’ll all go out for karaoke, then Tuesday afternoon I’ll head up to Marysville to be with family for a few days (apart from Wednesday evening for a NYE gathering). “Christmas” morning is on Thursday. In general, I hate how I feel so anxious when I’m away from home and how hard it is for me to not be on my own schedule. It makes it so hard to just enjoy time away with friends and family. I already want to go home… but I’m here until Saturday so I’ve gotta get over the bump of edginess I seem to have hit.
I’m tired of late night TV and my laptop is almost out of batteries. Sweetdreams.