This week really is flying by. Hard to believe it’s already Thursday evening, and the weekend is within reach. Not that I’m living for the weekends… but it hardly feels like there is time enough in the week to do everything I need to get done.
Had a conversation today that was eye-opening in terms of how I’m experiencing my life here these days. I’ve been holding on so much to my knowledge that being here at Baylor and in Waco was where God wants me… I think I thought that just because this is the right place for me, I was required to be happy about it. So, I still am happy, and I really believe there are great things for me here that I haven’t even discovered yet, which is exciting!
But I’m also pretty frustrated, maybe even angry, because the one thing I had committed to myself about in this last transition was that I was NOT going to move to a new city where I didn’t know anyone, didn’t have any community, and would have to start over in establishing familiarity. And now… here I am… in a huge big state where I hardly know anyone, in a culture that feels so foreign to me, and still thousands of miles away from the most precious people in my life.
I guess I thought that I shouldn’t feel both peace and anger at the same time, but now I’m realizing perhaps that’s a flawed perspective. And maybe, it really makes the most sense, that I could be completely content with where my life is, but still disappointed that it isn’t what I thought I wanted. Like a grieving in the midst of joy.
Today I’m thankful for cup a’ noodle, no gas shortage in central Texas, and people who are willing to listen.
So I can look into your eyes when I taste it the first time
And I know there’s no secrets when you’re sitting at that table
But I believe we’ll smile real knowingly when we read the label
And it says “passion sacrificed to keep from going crazy.”
We’ll tip our glasses to the Host who used to look so hazy
And drink it down all sweet and slow and slip inside His mind
And realize as it goes down - this is communion wine.
Friday, 26. September 2008
You used the word “I” four times in the first sentence of the third paragraph. Almost as if this move was all about you. But perhaps you intentionally chose to walk through an open door that didn’t meet much of your pre-selected criteria.
I think that when we set expectations for ourselves, more often than not, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Which leads to frustration. IMHO.
In other news, have you checked out UBC on a Sunday morning? I hear they are quite the vibrant church.
Friday, 26. September 2008
Well… it’s not so much that the move was all about me, but that I have moved a number of times and each time it was to a place that was new and without any existing support, and initially I really though that the next chapter of my life was going to be about being back with family, and developing those relationships.
So, yes, I’m disappointed, but more than that, it appears I was wrong about where my life needed to go and where I needed to be.
As for UBC… I was just there this past Sunday actually. It IS a pretty vibrant church, if by “vibrant church” you mean a very LOUD, short concert by the David Crowder Band followed by a lesson based on “scripture” written by Brian McLaren.
Monday, 29. September 2008
Wow. I haven’t read in a while, and I’m glad I happened to tonight because I feel I can relate so much! I very much understand peace in the midst of sadness and frustration, or vice versa. We moved from CA back home with family - even bought a house, only to move to NY of all places only a year later (4 months ago). It has been a difficult transition as far as not knowing a single soul, and being in a completely unfamiliar culture. Yet, I am already, amazingly, seeing some real friendships bloom. No, it doesn’t replace family - I often grieve that, especially having a child now, but the Lord is showing me that he really does hear me, and know me better than even I.
Thanks for putting your thoughts out there.